A Readaholics Panorama turns four!

The journey of a thousand miles (or maybe a thousand writeups, hopefully even more), begins with a single step. Sounds clichéd, right? But it is as true as all clichéd things tend to be.

A Readaholics Panorama turns four today. And yes, it is an exuberant feeling of watching your child turn four. Watching it grow with you. Or watching your growth reflected in it. It goes both ways to be honest.

This journey began, as most tumultuous ones do, with a broken heart and an aspiring will. I was sixteen, a writer at heart, but with no specific outflow. So, I started, because that’s the only solution I knew of then. When I was sixteen. For when you’re a teen, you’re ready to conquer the world. Reading having been my first love, I started off with writing about the books I had loved. For that’s what I wanted to use my craft for. To ensure the world knows of the magic books hold.

Fast forward two years of writing book reviews. I started feeling restless again. Yes, the content was wholly mine. But they weren’t enough of the expression of myself I wanted them to be. There was that odd paragraph in each blog that was completely mine. Just my thoughts. Not about the book. Random thoughts.

But deep down, my heart craved for more. Pieces that were wholly mine. Raw, uninspired work. A line of work I could lay complete claim on.

So, at eighteen, I started off on a journey of my own. Where I could lay complete claim on my thoughts, my words, MY expression. With the confidence only young adulthood can offer.

And now two years later, at twenty, I’ve launched my first series. My very own Passion Project- LifeLately. For two years into adulthood as taught me a lot about appreciating. The tiny, simple, unnoticed. Just documenting life. And maybe simply because I want to write more, share more, express more.

These four years have been one amazing experience. Some days I feel like giving it all up because four whole years haven’t brought in that huge of a reader-base as I had hoped. But passion isn’t something that easy to give up on. And so we continue!

So yes, to many, many more random raw writeups, to days of despair, to days of strength that comes only from despair, to days of hope, most of all, to days of love, to days of sunshine, to days of expression!

To many, many more such wonderful days, my dear readers! Thank you so much for being with me on this rollercoaster of a journey. For helping me survive. Your love really fills my heart.

Lots of love,

Sia.

 

Daytime Musings: LifeLately --2

Hullo!

Hope the last three weeks have been kind to you. For me they were but an assorted mix. Life Lately has been offbeat. Not in a negative sense though. An almost positive weird-ish.

Took a much needed digital break after a long time. Just some time off for myself. And in this time, I started noticing back all those tiny pleasures that used to make so much of my life, but had somehow faded in all the noise I had surrounded myself with. It’s always good to get back.

After being successfully wooed by ‘Hustle culture’, here I am trying hard to get my life back on track. Not just my life actually. Trying to get me, myself back on track. On track to the journey that had to be enjoyed. Off track from the race I had unknowingly signed up for (egged on by LinkedIn, the constant fear of lagging behind, and the all encompassing allure of hustle culture).

Kindly do not take me wrong. It’s not like I am against hard work. I’m all for it. It’s maybe just that running blindly without pausing to breathe can get rather overwhelming at times.

So, yes, that’s how Life Lately has been. Mostly figuring out what I want, and what can be skipped. Getting back to late night walks, loud self talks sitting cross legged on my room floor, mid-day dance breaks, and entertaining myself with my own drama. Yes, I know, it’s weird how peace for some can be the most unhinged things ever.

And, noticing. Noticing all that makes life, oh so pleasant, right now. Cleaning up because it’s just so deeply settling. There’s this quiet joy and power to be found in rearranging your stuff. Almost a small assurance of still having control. Over what you keep and what you throw. Of finding those small gifts from your loved ones. Of the tiny reassurance they bring, of the presence they hold.

So, as I wrap up the second post of Life Lately, I’d just like to ask you for a small thing. Hold on. Hold on to yourself. Your silly self, your kid self, your mature self, your dreamy self, your practical self. In all the noise surrounding us, it’s natural to somehow lose touch with yourself. But it’s not okay. In this world full of chaos, be the peaceful home you can return to.

Notes From a Workdesk: LifeLately --1

There’s this thing about being brought up in an Indian home, all the traditions and customs (which are, by the way, really meaningful) somehow get deeply ingrained in you.

So, when starting off with a new venture, we Indians always remember our God, do a lil puja or something. Now that I am beginning with my passion project, the biggest dream project I have envisioned, I’d like to do something similar. No, I am not beginning with a puja ceremony or anything. I’d just like to begin by talking about my workspace, which I consider my place of worship.

With my sem break going on right now, (for I’m an engineering student), this, incidentally, is also how Life Lately has been.

Tucked away in a corner of my room, is my work desk, a space so wholly mine, it almost mirrors me. A simple wooden plank, I like to keep it hoarded with all my “essentials”- mostly my study notebooks, writing pad(for I always write on a whim), penstand, laptop, journal, and all the books I am reading right now.

But this isn’t all that makes it truly mine, what makes it so wholly mine is the flower picked on a random walk that adorns it, the tiny gifts from my friends filling up my penstand, the tiny bundle of perfectly transparent sticky notes, a duster, reflective of my rather OCDian instincts, a scrunchie and my never ending supply of lost bookmarks, if you’re a reader you know.

Sometimes I like between-work-snacking on my desk as well, though I always make sure to clean it up immediately.

Life Lately has been so majorly spent on this table. Whether its studying, working, listening to music or reading. I mostly do these curled up on my chair. It’s beautiful how such places, tiny corners of our homes mean so much to us,

Having a space of your own is extremely essential, I believe. I came up with this belief when I first read Sir Bond’s – A room on the roof. The book beautifully articulates how absolutely essential it is to have a room of your own, in other words, a space of your own. Hoping to gain further insight on the matter I purchased Virginia Woolf’s – A Room of One’s Own, but being rather bad at reading classics, I’m yet to complete it. My insight however remains incomplete. But I’ve been rather successful in designing it on my own, I guess.

So yea, coming back, having a space of your own is extremely essential, I believe. If not an entire bungalow, maybe a little corner like mine. For these are the spaces that help us define ourselves, set our comfort standards, make us ready to envision something that is so uniquely ours. The idea for Life Lately also struck me while listening to music, one afternoon in my workspace. That is the idea. To make such a space, your own space, so you that it helps you think and envision and build.

As I wrap up with the first post of Life Lately, I hope you also, dear reader, build a place that is truly yours, maybe a lil corner in your balcony, maybe a night tent in your room, anything, just a place that is truly yours, that defines you, that gives you that space, to breathe, to think, to be truly you.

 

En memoria de "The Dubba"

Tiffin lunch dubba, a memory that brings back comfort. Like a salient companion, it’s the best refuge you can return to when taking a break in the middle of a long day. For home cooked food is never about the taste, its about the comfort, the flavour of home.

This is no sad recollection people, I'm a day scholar blissfully aloof of the (sometimes stomach, mostly mood) upsetting food of the college mess.

It takes me back to my childhood, where one of my earliest memories are of my mum creatively coming up with new healthy sweet dishes to go along with my food. For I was a fussy eater albeit with a sweet tooth (or sweet teeth, as my mum prefers for, I'm a huge lover of anything sweet). In her trials to at least make me eat something, yet keeping it artificial sugar free, she whipped up apple jams, banana- mango rolls and jaggery sweetened milkshakes, which were all but happily devoured by me. So, yes, homemade food is all about the love, the care, the tiny tweaks made to ensure that it's just perfect for the loved one you're preparing it for.

When someone cooks, their entire personality somehow gets infused into what they make. The same dish, prepared with the same recipe, yet has a different flavour when made by different people. It’s their own tiny touch, maybe an extra tadka, or a squeeze of lemon, that truly makes the dish theirs. And it is that little pinch that we remember years after, as their own little signature.

I feel the most beautiful love language is cooking for someone. The way you cook for someone shows how much you care for them, how much you are aware of their little picky tastes, how much extra effort you're willing to put in just to ensure they love it. The way someone remembers how you like your coffee with half a spoon sugar and not even a grain more, how you'll always pick a cookie over a muffin, how you'll always get super hangry when you are tired and a chocolate will be more than welcome, is the most, most beautiful way of showing they truly care.

And so, I hope, dear reader, the next time you open a pickle jar made by your mum, you acknowledge not just the flavour kick it brings to your food, but also the secluded comfort it gives, the feeling of being closer home.

Finding yourself!

So, one more year gone by. Another year that brought with itself a whirlwind of experiences. One more year of lost resolutions, of failed promises to ourselves, and the same unending guilt.

Why don’t we start with something different this time?

This year, instead of the usual list of resolutions destined to give guilt at the end of the year, let’s have a different goal. Finding ourselves.

In this time of finding personality blueprints readily available on Instagram, we easily adapt and bend, trying to fit ourselves in one of those readymade prototypes. But why not work on finding your own? On finding the unique nuances that make you, YOU!

The online community is one of extremes. It’s where extremists thrive. You either are a coffee connoisseur or you go caffeine free. You either absolutely live to read, or haven’t opened a book ever. You either are absolutely crazy for it or can’t even stand it. There just isn’t any middle ground. But all of us are not extremists. Finding and adapting to these premade personalities though easy, isn’t just emotionally fulfilling. For, most of us are a fusion of balanced opinions and preferences.

But, you may ask, where do we start on finding our own?

Experimenting is the key I feel. Be open. Be open to experimenting. Try out everything there is to offer. The outside world is huge and boundless with countless opportunities and options. There’s so much to explore that a lifetime will just fall short. But, begin. Get started.

Find new hobbies. Try everything. Don’t get stuck on the ordinary. Try and experiment. Gardening, pottery, reading, maybe rearranging your home to different designs, cooking, baking, painting, sculpting,  dancing, photography, knitting, writing, anything actually. Just get started.

Try. Try new music genres, new cuisines, new flavors, just try and experiment and find what suits you best, makes you feel best, whatever you love.

Find something to get going besides your daily job. Keep experimenting. No need to confine yourself to what’s trending. What suits another may not necessarily suit you. The entire goal is finding yourself, all that makes you!

In all of this, I feel an absolute need for creating your own space, your own cozy space. Where you are You, somewhere you can be your own true self. A space that defines you, that is just so you in its aesthetic and design. Somewhere that has all your needs within reach. Your favourite memories, your most beautiful moments. Everything! Every one should have that. Just to exist, maybe!

The years gone by had their own experiences and lessons. Silent battles we fought and won. So many times we picked ourselves up even when it felt most difficult. Yet we did. Yet we survived. Finding ourselves also comes with not bending to other people’s wills and wishes. Let this be the year you choose yourself. Be you! Unapologetically you!

Walking through life

 

Soft pleasing music, the sweet fragrance of Parijat in the air while walking in the starry moonlight, all make up to what is the most peacefully, pleasing end to my day.

I just love walking. It is that simple. It’s like my default response to everything there is. Feeling good? Walk. Feeling grumpy? Walk. Feeling confused? Walk. Feeling upset? Walk. Feel like punching someone? Okay, maybe punch and then, walk.

It’s not about walking with a specific destination in mind. Just strolling around, while contemplating, is I feel, the best way to sort your thoughts out. There’s a certain calm that descends over me when I walk. A sense of deep relaxation. I take that as the time when I allow myself to pause the thoughts I’ve been worrying about and reward myself with a few moments of peace no matter how my day has been. It is in those moments that the most amazing ideas, solutions and perspectives arise.

It's not like I’ve been a walking person all my life. Being the lazy baby I was, I always threw tantrums whenever I had to walk through the shortest distance. But my smart mum found a pretty amazing way to get me walking. She offered me a ‘Champak’, my favourite magazine back then for every time I walked to the market with her. Well, that pretty much closed the deal.

I feel the best way to bond with anyone is by walking together. The best conversations are the ones held over long tranquil walks. Strolling together, just putting out your thoughts is the best way there is to know and blend with people. When two individuals walk together, they synchronize their footsteps, automatically aligning to the other’s pace and state of mind. It’s all beautiful, really.

Maybe you don’t even need to talk. Just ambling together sharing a placid silence. Or maybe listening to some song while you stroll. Anything, really. Walking itself holds a special magic that just brings people wonderfully, amazingly together.

And, if the other person doesn’t want to go on a walk with you, Red Flag! Ward off!!

In the hustle of everyday life, complex thinking becomes the default setting. But when we allow ourselves a few minutes of solitude everyday, a time where only you and your thoughts remain, there comes a point when we realize that maybe it’s not that complicated after all. Maybe it really is a simple situation and the only thing complicating it is our own way of thought. And once you recognize that fact, sorting the entire thing becomes pretty easy.

To long walks and self talks!

 

A Journal entry, made Public

This is a piece I’m writing after a long, long time. The past few weeks have been draining enough. So, right now, I just feel like penning down whatever has been going on in my mind.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the after feel of things. In talking of after-feel, I do not mean the material after feel. I’m here in talking of it, referring to the feeling you have after something happens. The moment after the moment. Many a times, we feel, or at least try to convince ourselves, that we are feeling, great at the moment. But, after the moment has passed, later when we remember it, it all feels weird, uneasy, and strangely unhappy, all leading us to wonder, how could we have felt good at that time.

But, at the same time, there are moments, when we just feel calm and comforted in the moment, but the mere memory of the moment later awakens a giddily strong happiness.

Ah! The strangeness of life!

Well, the same applies to people as well. Some leave you feeling strange and empty, even though they acted on their best face with you, while some leave you with a warm, soft glow in your heart even though they did nothing more than just ‘existing’ with you.

The latter category is incredibly precious and hard to come by. Just hold on them when you find one. For that, is incredibly important. Finding the right people to be with. Finding those sunshine people who make you feel loved, cared for, important, respected and happy. Finding the ones who are ready to be with you not just when you are fun and cheerful, but also when you’re being difficult, and unreasonably grumpy. The ones who are ready to sit calmly by your side and listen to all the self-deprecating things you’ve been drowning yourself in till you’re ready to let go of all of it and take a deep breath. Find the ones you can be your true crazy self with. Finding such people isn’t going to be easy, but when you do, be sure to hold on to them. Be a baby koala if need be. Just don’t let them go.

At the same time, in hoping for the right people to turn up, don’t keep forgiving the nonsensical ones. It is important to shut off toxic people. The ones who make you feel unwanted, unimportant, just another human, or even ugly, unattractive, stupid, weird, or embarrassing. It’s okay to forgive once in a while. But when anyone repeatedly, unreasonably, casually triggers your self-doubts, it is important to keep yourself at the topmost priority. Else you might lose yourself, I’m afraid.

Not that our life is completely determined by the people we spend it with (though a large portion of it is). Life is much more than that.

Live. Live, my friend! Live for the soft early morning breeze playing with your hair. Live to see the warm sunshine filtering through the leaves against a placid blue sky. Live for the aroma of fresh hand-beaten coffee on your work desk. Live for the petals that blossom with the first new shower of rain. Live for the joy of witnessing your parents’ silly banters. Live to listen classic Kishore Da songs with your grandparents. Live for the poetry of life, the music of nature and the romance of simple, everyday living.

All while living your best possible life, remember to Be. Be erratic. Be confused. Be spirited. Be crazy. Be fabulous. Be annoying. Be whoever, whatever and however you want to be.

JUST, BE YOU!